Everything around you,
Shattering
To unfathomable pieces,
It'll never be the same again,
Forever and ever and ever,
I'll cry,
I'll cry from my heart
And bleed,
The tears of crimson blood
Come rolling down again,
Shattering,
This love so undefined,
It's eating me up inside

It's hard to be strong
When you've got no where to go,
And memories are chasing you
You want to be alone.
It's hard to go forward
When your past wont let you go,
Can't do this no
I just can't do this anymore.

I'll sing, I'll scream from my heart
I'm alone, I'm alone,
This love so undefined,
It's eating my soul
Consuming me whole

Looking for the light,
All I see
The infinite drakness,
I'll never be the same again,
Forever and ever and ever,
I'm lost,
Lost inside this maze
A never ending path,
It leads me back towards my broken past.
Shattering,
This love so undefined,
It's eating me up inside.

It's hard to be strong,
When everything around you
Is shattering
To unfathomable pieces,
It's hard to break free
From the darkness, overwhelming
Deep inside your soul,
I just can't do this anymore

I'll sing, I'll scream from my heart
I'm alone, I'm alone,
This love so undefined
It's eating my soul,
Consuming me whole

 

I'll sing, I'll scream from my heart
I'm alone, I'm alone,
This love so undefined...

I wanna be a slut. I've got the short skirts. I've got the strappy tops. I've got the heels, although not killer heels but heels nonetheless. I've got the makeup, although I don't know how to use it. I don't have the figure, the looks, the skinny legs, the long long hair, and the slim sexy body, and well, I hope I don't have the attitude. So... why on earth do I want to be a slut? I have no clue, that was totally and utterly random. So I was parading around Paragon with Bethie and Rez today after Newsong... I haven’t had that much fun in ages. Those girls are wack, but they're kool. Wish I could hang out with them more, and I wish I had more friends like them, meaning close friends, friends that I could parade around the mall with and still be totally and utterly comfortable. I'm not saying that I wasn't comfortable with them, it's just that those two are the inseparable pair, the best friend duo, and I don't make the trio, I'm just kinda with them, and as much as they are really welcoming and really friendly, I just wish that I had someone who I could parade around a mall with, being totally and utterly comfortable, not having to worry about if I belong or not, because I know I do. Now, that was long. And so my childhood dream (or few-seconds-ago dream) of being a slut isn't exactly promising or totally and utterly true likely, I just randomly thought about it.

Just a thought - when is random really random? I mean, 'cos when I say random, I don't know how it can be totally and utterly random, as thinking has a process to it, it's not like I can turn around and think of something and then say something totally random 'cos there has to be some sort of connection to that object of randomosity - get? Ok prolly not, so for example. I'm hanging out with some friends and we're talking about shopping or something, and then I suddenly randomly say "ICE CREAM"!! Or something... I dunno... I mean, there's gotta be some trigger to how I thought of ice cream from the shopping right? I mean, maybe I was thinking about the last time I went shopping with someone, and how we got ice cream or something, or say I relate the shopping mall or a certain person or a certain word that someone has mentioned or expressed to the word or food, Ice cream! Is anyone following this? Maybe you should read this again, 'cos I certainly know what I'm saying, although I also know that you might not know what I'm trying to say because knowing the way I write or try to express things, well lets just say I’m not very clear sometimes when it comes to getting the point across.

Ok, moving on.

I don't know what I'm moving on to... A bit ago I had so much to say... I guess I was being really random. But then again, never mind the word random, I don't want to go back to my random rant about randomness and how randomosity can't be random. I know, random right? But I do think I am going insane. Can it be that insanity initiates randomosity? I have never written such an intellectual blog... *hmm*... and thus, I shall leave you with the end of my blog. Good night.

dawn*

---

Oh and here's my randomness for the while~

 

TEN Random Things About Me:
* My knee still hurts ><'
* I'm attempting to do some homework (not working very well heh heh)
* It's kinda cold here...
* Im listening to a really nice song called 'At the Cross' by Hillsong~
* I've got a bf and I miss him =( vewy vewy much...
* I think I'm getting slightly hyper... just slightly ;)
* I'm hungry
* Did you know... No? No, I don't either...
* Sometimes, I think that I think too much, but sometimes, I also think that I think too little, so tell me, am I thinking too much or too little?
* "At the cross I bow my knee, where your love was shed for me, there's no greater love than this....." it's a really nice song...
* ummm... I wonder why it has to be 10 random things... why not 20 not so random things, or 5 or whatever... yeah... whatever...

NINE Places I've Visited:
* Hong Kong
* China
* Australia
* New Zealand
* Canada
* the US of A
* Malaysia
* Singapore
* uhh, different parts of Thailand? (since I live here >> I ran out...)

EIGHT Things I want to do before I die:
* finish IB!! = =
* marry the guy that I love (I don't mean now ok) and have kids or adopt or something of that sort... kidnap? haha jk jk =P
* visit europe
* get my dream house
* bring someone (or a few someones) to Christ
* get my songs recorded, etc etc (i did not say become famous or become a rock star or whatever, i don't want that ><' that's entierly different)
* ho hum ho hum... visit Newsong in america, and Hillsong in aussie or the states...
* oh of course, get into a good university and actually learn something that will benifit my life, get a job, etc etc...

SEVEN Ways to win my heart:
* hug me for no reason =D
* be yourself no matter what
* be there when i need someone to listen to me
* but understand when i need my own space
* remember small things, like dates - anniversaries, birthdays, special days...
* notice me, compliments are nice
* don't be afraid to kiss me in front of other people

SIX Things I believe in:
* God
* Love
* Freedom
* Forgiveness
* Human Rights and World Peace! haha =P
* Being yourself, no matter what.

FIVE Things I'm afraid of:
* loneliness
* getting hurt
* cockroaches
* most flying insects
* actually most insects...
 
FOUR of my Favorite Items in my bedroom:
* my doggie =D (the doll, not the read one)
* my bed~ (haha)
* my photos and pictures, such and such
* umm, my camera... oh oh oh! My iPod and my music, etc etc
 
THREE Things I do everyday:
* eat food =D
* singgg~~
* think of the past, present and future
 
TWO Things I am trying not to do right now:
* eat (wahhht?? I'm hungry!!)
* sing
 
ONE Person I need to see right now:
* Micah - I miss you sooooooooo much... <3 <3 <3

PEOPLE!! I WANT PROM PICTURES!!

I'm so stupid, don't ever trust me with a camera at places such as proms because I will forget about the camera while I enjoy myself haha.

Oh well... I still managed to get some pictures - from other people's xangas =D hehe

 

Well yeah, Prom was really great - I had so much fun!! I wish it could happen all over again. =D hehe, and everyone looked very pretty!! And handsome for the guys, who I'm sure don't want to look "pretty" or "beautiful" lolz, so yeah. Well I gotta go work

 

Adios~

gosh... life's been so depressing lately? it's depressing... well suh, i jst said it was. but aniway, i dont know why i'm eing kinda depressed. my exams are over now and yeah, but then i guess it's the realization - i've got so much more to do. extended essay, tok essay, cas forms, maths project, and now they've also decided to pile another load of work for us to do with the group 4 project. for me - there's art, there's english, there's spanish. I feel like i'm on an overload but i can't relsease any of this load. and the problem is that all these things, all the pressure and stresses from school affect me out of school - with my family, my otehr friends. my emotions are not a pretty sight. i dont feel human anymore, or at least not human in a sense that i'm so caught up in all these things i have to do and just recent events that i dont feel free to feel and to live life like it's supposed to be lived. i want to be happy, carefree, and be able to do things as they come, but there's too much to do - i can't do them all as they come. they don't come softly - they come in a swift current, quiet and sly and pile up and up until i can't see the top. and then i'll fall under the weight of it all... i'm falling, i'm falling and i dont know if anyone can catch me, cause the load is too heavy, it's way too heavy.

 

this frustration is really gettin to me, now that exams are over and i want to be free for once, just for a while, even for a few days. how do they expect us to do exams and hanf in several projects, all at the same time? at least give us a week or two to gather our brain cells - i know my brain cells are scattered over many books and just everywhere and i havn't even had time formyself to think. well, i guess this is an exception that i'm giving myself in the midst of another homework. but really, i'm only human. i need my time, space and sanity to live - and they're all gettin swiftly washed away by the piles of responsibility, homework, projects, essay and all the rest.

 

oh and in referance to my last post - i'm sorry hunny. we've talked this over and i know we both want to forget it - i hope you'll forgive me. i love you, lots and lots and lots, i promise.

 

dawn*

 

Tale of a broken girl.

 

She wonders why he wont call. Doesn't he realize how much she misses him? How much she needs him at this time. Her friends are turning away, her family are turning away, and no matter what, she can't seem to find herself without him. She wonders why he wont let her call. She wonders why he hasn't even contacted her. Does he care? Does he miss her or think about her? Maybe he does think about her, but not in the way she wants him to think. Does he find her annoying? She wonders if he's being honest wiht her when he tells her he loves her. She wonders if he can see through her lies. She wonders if he really knows her at all. She wonders if she knows him. She wonders when he'll call, or if he'll ever call. When will she get to see him? Will he keep his promises? Will he write her emails or send her text messages? Will he make an effort to call or to come visit her? She wonders if he really cares at all. She wonders why she feels this way, so alone when he's not there but such a burden and a bother when she is with him. She wonders if her being with him annoys him. Does he hate it when she feels that she needs him? Why can't she be more independant. She wished she didn't have to be this way. She wants to cry so much but the tears are already no more. She wants to run away and scream her lungs out on the mountain tops. "I love you! Please, please... Please..."

 

 

They won't see the fire you have lit inside of me.
They look up to the stars and wonder where you might be.
They look up.
Without realizing they're standing in the palm of your hand.
I can't explain or understand.
I just love you.

 

It's common knowledge that; you've been dead for a while.
It's well known that the cross is only a burden with pains and trials.
But thinking how come my shoes are so light, how come I can walk for miles?
And still, just love you?

 

So I think I'll stay, caught up in silent prayer, cause I believe in silence.
Our hearts speak the same words.
So why don't we just walk along the shoreline with our silent song?
Cause I believe in silence.
Our hearts speak the same words, the same words.

 

We have to prove that our love is real, over and over again.
But let them think what they want cause I know It'll never end.
Cause I know when it began.
And my heart still pumps twice as fast whenever you walk by.
Cause I still love you.

 

So I think I'll stay, caught up in silent prayer, cause I believe in silence.
Our hearts speak the same words.
So why don't we just walk along the shoreline with our silent song?
Cause I believe in silence.
Our hearts speak the same words, the same words.

 

Blindside - Silence

 

 

I'm totally addicted to this song at the moment...

It's really deep I reckon?

It's a great song =)

It's a very interesting song!

I love it =)

 

 

 

 

 

 

The only thing that I can say

The only thing that I can tell you

     The only thing I can express

          Speak out aloud

 

Is that

I have no words

     Nothing that would make sense
     Nothing that can fully express what I want to say

 

 

Make any sense?

 

I *heart* you << corney, superficial, preppy, and yeah, I'm using it for once?

 

 

 

 

 

 

I dunno why I was motivated to write so

I'm just being very random today

It's been a long day

I've done a lot

Gone through many many emotions

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

haha, sorry, kin's listening to that song (by hillsong) so yeah, it's kinda stuck in my head atm =) it's got a nice beat to it hehe =P aniwaiz!! i'm back from Khao Lak! the trip was amazing, i'm not gonna write abt it here cos i wrote a buncha stuff on xanga and yeah, but i'll jst drop by here to say hi to anyone who reads - i update my xanga a lot more but yeah... this place is still important! bleh =P aniwaiz!!

 

aniwaiz, i'm gonna go - bye!!